Western Table Manners - all classes

As I did this for two classes last week, and will be presenting it to everyone, I have decided to make this into one article, instead of just repeating myself to each one. So here goes:



One of the main differences between a Western Meal and a Chinese one, is that, instead of all the food arriving at the table at once, we eat different courses.



The first item available of all menus and at all formal dinners, is soup. This will be brought to the table already served into soup dishes or bowls. From the bewildering [confusing] assortment of cutlery [ the collective name for knives, spoons and forks] at your place, it's easy to pick out the one for soup. A soup spoon is round. It looks different to the shape of all other spoons which are oval. It will either arrive with the soup or, if not, will be across the top of your place setting or be on the side where the knives are: it will be the first spoon you can see. It is considered very ill manners to make a slurping sort of noise when drinking soup. Of course, you know we don't pick up our bowls. So, how do we get the soup into our spoon without making a horrible scraping noise as we get to the bottom? We simple tip the soup bowl AWAY from us. Thus all the liquid rushes to that side and we can more easily scoop it up.



The next course to arrive is the Entree or Appetiser. This always comes in its own dish. It is usually just a small dish - prawns, fruit, an avocado pear - and, if it doesn't come with its own small fork or spoon you will find a small one of each next in line to your soup spoon or, if your soup spoon was at the top, they will be the first pieces of cutlery on the outside.



After the entree comes the Main Course. Now, in a very good (5 star) restaurant or Hotel, this will also arrive on its own plate. The reason for this is that a good Chef takes pride not only in the way the food tastes, but in the way it is presented. It has to not only taste good, but look good too, and colour is very important. If your main course is steak or a piece of meat like this, you will see a knife with a very sharp edge on your right hand side. That is the one you use. If you are not having steak you will know which knife and fork to use by counting in from the outside: they should be the third knife and the first or second fork: in any case, they will be the BIGGEST ones. If unsure, just look at your Western neighbours. Or ask.



If you are eating at someones house your food won't be served on an individual plate. Like a Chinese dinner, dishes will be put on the table and you can choose how much and what you eat. The big difference is that you NEVER just reach for the dish you want unless it is right in front of your plate. Usually the dishes get passed around the table from right to left. If you don't want any you just pass it straight on and wait until the ones you want get passed to you. After the dishes have all been passed round the first time you can just ask for a particular dish if you want some more. Even if the dish is sitting right next to you in front of your neighbour, don't reach for it. Ask your neighbour please to pass it to you. Reaching in front of someone is considered rude. Of course, never take the last piece of something. If there is only one potato left wait until the host/ess asks who wants it or, if it looks like everyone is finished, ask your host/ess if you may have it.



Whether in a private home or in a restaurant, however, always put your knife and fork neatly together when you have had enough. The fork should be resting with its tines[the three prongs]facing up; opposite to the way we actually use it. If you don't do this people will think you want more and, while other peoples dirty dishes might get cleared away, yours will stay there because everyone will think you are still hungry.



Food and drink is always put on and taken off the table from the right hand side so lean a little to your left so you don't get any spilled on you, burn yourself if the plate is hot, and you make it easier for the person serving/clearing.



After the Main Course come the bit everyone looks forward to: dessert. There are hundreds of different kinds of Western desserts, most of which one never sees in China. So even if you are enjoying the rest of your meal, leave a little space for dessert; its yummy! If you don't like sweet things (you're crazy!) you can have cheese and biscuits instead. The cheese usually comes after dessert, but if not you will usually be asked if you prefer cheese or dessert. There are also hundred of different types of Western cheese: soft cheeses, hard cheeses, blue cheeses, cream cheeses, goat's cheeses, fruit cheeses, herb cheeses...and all kind of savoury biscuits. In China I have only ever seen about four different kinds of cheese for sale so, if you want to taste some real cheese this is the time to do it. Just sample little tiny bits on a savoury cracker and see what you think. After, or with, cheese, comes fruit.



Coffee usually comes next and, often a sweet liqueur or a good brandy. If you are not used to alcohol I advise you to just stick to coffee as these kinds of drinks, which we only sip slowly with our coffee, are very strong which is why they come in tiny glasses.



It is when the dessert arrives or has finished that we usually push our chairs back, loosen our belts and start to really talk. In a private home it will probably be suggested that we move to another room where the chairs are more comfortable and cheese and fruit etc. will be taken in there with us. We do not just finish our meal and get up to go. This is the time we do business, get to know each other better, tell jokes, or ask for favours.



As you will see, with each course coming separately, a Western meal takes a lot longer to eat than a Chinese meal. If you are invited to dinner don't plan on leaving before around 11 o'clock. As we never talk with food in our mouths, we pause between each bite, putting our knife and fork down on our plate while we chew and swallow. Then, between each course there is also a pause (a good time to go to the loo!), and because we eat so much more slowly, it all takes a longer time. We also talk a lot and as you can't talk and chew at the same time, this makes us a lot slower too.



This kind of leads into the thing about alcohol. Food is looked on not merely as a pleasure and a time to get together, but as an important part of our health. The slower you eat, the better it is for your digestion: your stomach can process the food better and send it to the parts of your body that need it. This is also the reason we drink wine with our meal: a custom that goes back thousands of years. There is an enzyme in grapes (which is the fruit wine is made from) that also helps our digestion by breaking down the food. So we drink red wine which has more of this enzyme with red meat - beef, etc - because more of this enzyme is needed to break down red meat. We drink white wine with chicken and fish because they are more easily digested and don't need so much enzyme. Being a vegetarian (well, I was until I came to China) I mostly drink white wine.



Remember that the larger of the wine classes is for red wine and the smaller is for white wine. If you don't want any you don't have to say so: - simply lay your hand flat across the top of your glass. This is the symbol for "Thank you very much, but I don't want any wine." However, as in China, its wise just to allow a little to be put in your glass in case any toasts are drunk. Toasts, however, are not as common as they are here in China...and there is no equivalent of "Gambei" (spelling?) where one is expected to drain the entire glass.


Also, there is no need to call over a waitperson .(because we no longer call people genderized titles like "waiter" - male, or "waitress" - female, a lot of people call them "waitron". I don't. I think it makes them sound like robots. Others call them waitpersons which is also a little clumsy. I prefer, actually just to write 'waitor' but I thought that might confuse you as you would think I had made a spelling error.) Waitpersons also may get offended if you call out to them or think you are rude. We simply raise our hand. In good restaurants the staff are always on the look-out for that signal and will come over when they see you doing so. They will often be there to take out your chair if they see you are getting ready to stand up, to replace a fallen napkin or cutlery that you drop on the floor.

Another thing which is completely different to Chinese table manners is that once you have put anything in your mouth it stays there. It is considered highly objectionable to spit out anything, the chew or talk with your mouth open and half-chewed food visible to others. In fact, some people consider it so objectionable that it actually makes them feel physically ill! We do not eat bones or skin or fat or gristle - in fact dishes that contain these things are considered to be badly prepared or the mark of a very poor restaurant. We cut around the bones and other indigestible items and leave them on our plate. If there are too many of them we will probably complain.

However, once in a while we do put something it is impossible to swallow into our mouths. In this case we cover our moth with our napkin, push the item into it with our tongues, fold our napkin around it, and put the folded napkin on, or next to, our bread and butter plate. If the waitperson doesn't see it, you can beckon them over if you want a clean napkin and they will take the dirty one away.

If someone asks you a question when you have food in your mouth just make the little gesture I showed you: briefly put your hand across your mouth and raise your other hand to show you cannot answer straight away - people understand this and will wait until you are ready. However, this doesn't happen too often - we are usually pretty much aware of when one can answer or not...that's why we put our knife and fork down between bites.

All of this, when written down, looks impossibly complicated and many of you might be thinking you hope you never have to eat out with Westerners because there is too much to remember.
As long as you remember the main thing is never to spit out food, chew with an open mouth or make noises while eating (and of course, never to yawn, burp or fart!!) then all the rest you will probably see from looking around at the other people.

ALSO: if you eat out in China with Westerners, remember this is your country and these are foreign manners. If you make a "mistake" then don't worry. Foreigners make lots of mistakes when eating with Chinese people too. For us, Chinese table manners are difficult to remember or adapt to and we don't always get it right, either. The sky doesn't fall on our heads when this happens. It won't fall on yours either!